Wherever You May Go
by WindWriter17
Summary: Lily Evans and James Potter and their experiences, relationship, dating, jealousies, and fighting. Will be extremely long, but rewarding. PG13 in case of language or-er-certain...scenes. Explanation of the title will be explained eventually.
1. Prologue

"James Potter, you are the most arrogant, small-minded, pigheaded –"

Lily Evans was yelling at James for the same reasons she always did, whether they be true or not. Lily and James were enemies for almost all of their time at Hogwarts. However, most people do not have the privilege to know that they did not just have a hate relationship, but the most bittersweet kind. The kind that always makes the best stories to tell your children right before bedtime, but they were head-over-heels in love with each other, yet they still hated each other with a deep passion. They made one and other cry, for reasons unknown to their young minds, for the answer was too complex to comprehend. Telling their story will not be an easy job, nor a simple one, because it is so complicated and filled with different emotions almost all happening at the same time, and you must also change perspections and point of view so rapidly to keep up with both of these complicated characters. You will find, however, if you keep reading, that by the end it will be extremely fruitful, and you will come away with the happiness of finally ending a good, pure, and true love story with so many twists, turns, heartbreaks, and laughs.

So, with no further delay, ladies and gentlemen, I begin to tell you the story of James Potter and Lily Evans.


	2. Fiery Tempers and Stubborn People

(A/N: Yes, I know, another James/Lily story. I'm not all that original. I'm sorry!!!!! starts to cry but anyway. I will leave another note when I'm finished this chapter.

"James Potter, you are the most arrogant, small-minded, pigheaded –"

"Gorgeous?" James Potter said cockily to Lily Evans, who, if you'll excuse my frankness, looked pretty pissed.

I suppose I should start at the beginning of this fight. Sigh, all right. Well, Lily was sitting with her friends, Maria and Alex underneath their preferred tree on one side of the lake. Lily soon noticed a disturbance on the other side of the lake, with none other than her arch enemy, James Potter.

((Lily's POV))

_This is too much,_ she thought. _I have to do something! God, he's such a jerk!_

She strode over to the other side of the lake, ignoring her friends calls to leave it be and forget him.

"Leave him ALONE!"

Potter and Black spun round and Potter's hand flew straight to his hair.

"Alright Evans?" he asked.

"Leave him alone." I repeated. "What's he done to you?"

"Well," Sirius Black said mock-thoughtfully, "it's more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean..."

A small crowd had gathered. Many of them laughed loudly, including that Peter person.

"You think you're funny," I started, my voice as cold as ice. "But you're just an arrogant, bullying toe rag, Potter. Leave him _alone._"

"I will if you go out with me Evans," Potter said quickly, "go on... go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivellus again."

Behind him, Snape, his victim, had got up and began to inch towards his wand.

"I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid." I replied disparagingly.

"Bad luck Prongs." Sirius said briskly, not missing a beat. "OI!"

It was too late. Snape had reached his wand and a long gash appeared on Potter's face, splattering blood on his clothes.

Potter whirled around and a second later, Snape was suspended in mid-air, his robes hanging over his head. His skinny pallid legs and greying underpants were revealed to the crowd.

"Let him down!" I said, my fists clenching at my sides.

"Certainly," Potter replied. He jerked his wand upward, causing Snape to plummet to the ground.

"Petrificus Totalus!" Sirius barked.

Snape's arms snapped to his sides and he keeled over.

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!" I had my own wand out now, pointed at Potter's chest.

"Ahh, don't make me hex you Evans..." Potter began.

"Take it off him then." I replied menacingly.

Potter obeyed and took the spell off Snape. "You should be thanking Evans."

"I don't need help off some filthy Mudblood like her!" He replied scathingly.

I blinked. "Fine, I won't bother next time. Maybe you should wash your pants,_ Snivellus_."

"APOLOGISE TO EVANS!" Potter bellowed.

I swung round. "I don't need you to make him apologize! You're as bad as he is!" I stormed.

((James' POV))

"Oh, come on Evans, you know I would never call you a – a – a you-know-what!" I called after her, but it was no use, she simply held up one hand and flipped me off, joined her friends and stormed up to the castle.

"Has a fiery little temper, doesn't she?" said Sirius, amused at my lame attempts to get her to come back.

I glared at Sirius and said "Shut up, you useless – "

But I was cut off as I whipped around and ducked, pulling Sirius after me, for Snape had fired a hex at our unsuspected backs. "Why, you sonuva – "

"Sirius, shut up. Let's just go." I said quietly and pulled him after me. There was no use fighting without Lily to impress. Not that he was trying to impress anybody...Snape is just annoying, that's all.

Once they reached the Gryffindor common room, James immediately spotted Lily but Sirius was the one who decided to sit by her. They chose armchairs beside Lily and her friend Alex, and both girls gave them distasteful looks. Lily looked back at the piece of parchment she was writing on and said without looking up again, "Can we help you?"

_Ouch,_ thought James. _Icy. I suppose we deserved it, though._

"Why yes, Miss Thang, as a matter of fact, you can." Said Sirius, just as sarcastic. "We came over to apologize. And we –" James gave him a look that said, don't-speak-for-me-you-sarcastic-jackass. "That is, I," Sirius said, with an exasperated look at James, "Don't want to be enemies anymore. I won't speak for James, but I hope you and I, Lily, can be friends."

Lily smiled and said, "That's funny, people usually don't leave dungbombs in people's beds that they want to be friends with."

Sirius chuckled and said, "And no more pranks on my part."

Lily laughed as well and said, as if in defeat, "Well, okay, only because it's never really you that does anything to me," she said, with a significant look to James. "Shake on it?" she said, producing a friendly hand.

Sirius took her hand and shook it firmly. "Now, James, is there anything YOU would like to say to Miss Attitude over here?" Sirius said affectionately.

"Not especially," James said, but on the inside he was bursting with replies.

_Well, actually, yes, I would. Lily Evans you are a straight-up BIOTCH._

_Yes, PLEASE, Lily, Don't be mad at me anymore!!! I'm head-over-heels in love with you but too cocky to every admit it and ruin my reputation, even to myself._

_No, actually. I don't want to be friends with her as it will break my already broken heart even further._

((Lily's POV))

As Lily shook Sirius's warm, friendly hand, she suddenly giggled and just gave him a hug. "Thanks," she said. "I'm done being angry, and I'm glad at least SOME people know how to apologize."

She glared at James expectantly, waiting for the expected sharp, indignant answer, followed by some egotistical remark. However, all he saw in his eyes was hurt, deep hurt, as if his very heart was breaking. Then, in the blink of an eye, it was gone, and he had the same cocky, blank look on his face as always.

A/N: Well, there's chapter 1! I hope you like it! Please R&R and tell me if you like it or not! Give me pointers! Shoot me down! I don't care! Just review!

Lots of Love,

Gwyn :)


	3. Don't Play Fair

((James's POV))

At dinner, Sirius, Remus, and I were searching for a place to sit in the crowded Gryffindor table. Peter, of course, was tagging along behind us but we didn't pay any attention to him.

Sirius finally noticed three seats near Lily and her friends. "Oh James..." he murmured playfully.

"Shut up," I said, feeling myself blush beet red.

"Let's go," said Remus, who had always been friendly with Lily, simply because he was polite enough to know what would get her pissed and what wouldn't. He led the way with Sirius, over to the three seats, followed by me and Peter. God, that kid needs a bath.

I took the seat farthest away from Lily. Soon, I pretended I was deeply engaged in the process of gorging myself with the entire contents of the table.

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**((Lily's POV))**

"Hey Lily! Baby! My flower!" Sirius called dramatically.

Maria and Alex immediately giggled at having the attention of Sirius Black, who, I must say, is pretty damn hot. "Hey," I said, glancing over at James and giving him a look. "Hi Remus!" I said, noticing Remus at last. He hadn't been at the little fiasco by the lake.

Sirius chose the seat across from me, Remus on one side and James on the other, the farthest seat away from me.

As James gorged himself with, it seemed, the entire contents of the table, Sirius and Remus started talking to me, Alex, and Maria, but soon my thoughts were drifting over to James. I looked over at him, absentmindedly nodding at something Remus was saying.

A long lock of jet-black hair hung in front of his eyes. Or glasses, I guess you should say. Suddenly, I thought something I thought would never come out of my mouth. Or even brain.

_He is pretty hot..._I thought. _WHOA. WHAT was that..._

As I was staring at him, he suddenly became aware of my looks, looked up at me and raised an eyebrow. I quickly recovered and gave him another look, flipping my hair and turning back to Remus and Sirius, who, were watching me watch James as well. I looked at my Maria and Alex, and they too were watching me watch James.

_Well,_ I thought. _This is awkward. Laugh it off, laugh it off, don't blush Lily..._

"So...Sirius," I said quickly. "What's...up?"

_SMOOTH, Lily, real smooth. You are the master at this._

Everyone burst into laughter that was soon turned into many coughs as Lily gave them deadly looks. Everyone but James laughed.

And I blushed.

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((James's POV))

_God, she's confusing, _he thought unhappily.

As I was stuffing myself with a million pounds of food, I felt someone looking at me. When I looked up, I saw Lily staring at me. I was about to ask her what the hell she was staring at, but she quickly brushed it off (badly) and blushed when everyone laughed (that were soon turned into frantic coughs) except for me. I was too confused to laugh at her.

Sirius soon decided to lift the uncomfortable awkward silence by responding to Lily's question.

"Well, I was watching something–" Sirius said playfully, but was cut off by Lily whacking him upside the head. "I mean," he said, rubbing the back of his head and wincing. "I was, er – eating, something, but...ummm....I got distracted. I wasn't the ONLY one distracted," he added sweetly.

"Sirius," Lily said, her voice as sweet and sugary as honey. "The next time I ask you what's up, please remind me not to. Thank you."

Remus chuckled good-naturedly at us, and then commented, "So, Lily, I hear you've got quite a temper."

Lily grinned devilishly. "They shouldn't have gotten me pissed. And someone –" she shot a fiery look in my direction, "shouldn't have acted like an egotistical twirp."

"You've got such lovely manners," I finally chimed in, tired of hearing her quiet but sharp comments in my direction.

"Seems I'm not the only one," she shot back.

"Now, now, watch your mouth...no one wants a sour tongue like that down his throat," I said viciously. I had seen her, a couple of weeks ago, do some hard-core makeout sessions with Greg Gavinchi, a Ravenclaw. Bitch.

Her jaw dropped, and her eyes glittered maliciously. "James Aaron Potter...you are the most unsensitive, arrogant, FUCKER I HAVE EVER MET," she slowly stood up, as if to try and beat the living daylights outta me.

"Hey, now!" Sirius said. "Leave it till after dinner."

Lily was fuming, but Sirius pulled her down. I didn't take my stare off of her all dinner, nor she off of me. As soon as our friends were done eating we both got up and walked away, both smoking.

"Bitch," I muttered as she passed. She stopped, turned around and got so close to me her nose was nearly touching mine.

"You know, Potter, two weeks ago I think I would've SWORN you didn't have the balls to say a thing like that to me," she whispered viciously. "But now, of course, I KNOW you must, seeing the things you let girls SUCK on in empty classrooms."

With that, she turned around and stormed out of the great hall. She left me standing there in shock.

_I cannot BELIEVE she just...just...SAID that!_ I thought. Sirius came up to me and asked, "What did she say?" I heard the concern in his voice, but Alex and Maria were right there, wondering themselves.

"Tell you later," I muttered and walked out of the hall swiftly. Maria and Alex soon ran after Lily, and Remus and Sirius followed me at a safe distance.

When I reached the common room, I didn't even stick around in the common room. I just marched right up to our dormitory, feeling Lily's fiery stare follow me all the way up.

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((Lily's POV))

"Stupid, sonuva gun called me a bitch and I lost it," I was telling Maria and Alex what I had said to James.

After I told them what I said, they stared at me in shock for a couple of minutes, and then Maria burst out laughing. "What?" I asked.

"You, Lily, have the worst temper of anyone I have EVER met," she said, and then started giggling again. I started giggling too, but then I saw James come into the common room, followed by Remus and Sirius, and go straight up to their dormitory. I glared at his back, all the way up.

"He makes me so MAD!!!" I exclaimed.

"I'm sure the feeling is mutual," said Alex sweetly.

**A/N: Well, there you go! Chapter 2! Chapter 3 will probably come in an hour or two because I have nothing else to do. Please Review! If you guys don't start reviewing, I'm gonna stop writing until I get a certain number of reviews (following my fellow Harry Potter obsessor, Stableperson-LOVE your james/lily story, btw-. So review!!! **

**Thanks.**

**Love you all!**

**Gwyn :)**


	4. Bad Apologies and Wandering Minds

**((James's POV))**

"What happened, mate?" Sirius said, a look of concern on his face as soon as he saw the shocked look on my face.

"Well...I supposed it was my fault," I said, slightly embarrassed. "I sort of called her a bitch."

"How do you "sort of" call someone a bitch?" asked Remus sarcastically.

I ignored him and continued, "Well, then she turned around and like got so up in my face I thought she was going to whack her head against mine, and she said...she said..."

Sirius looked exasperated and said, "SHE SAID..."

"...she said; You know, Potter, two weeks ago I think I would've SWORN you didn't have the balls to say a thing like that to me. But now, of course, I KNOW you must, seeing the things you let girls SUCK on in empty classrooms."

When I lifted my eyes from my beat-up trainers, Sirius's jaw was so wide I thought it would become unattached. Ditto for Remus.

"Okay," said Sirius slowly. "Let me get this straight. You gave head in an EMPTY CLASSROOM???"

James blushed, but he laughed all the same. "Yeah. It wasn't the smartest idea."

Remus was shaking his head with a look of amusement. "What?" asked James.

"Did you realize," Remus said. "That this means Lily SAW you? She has enough blackmail to last a lifetime. You had better be nice to that girl."

Realization sunk in. Lily had spied on me while...well, you know. That is SCARY.

"Holy fuck," said Sirius, in awe. "Lily is scarier then I thought."

"But...Remus," I said, frowning. "Couldn't she use it for blackmail already? There's not much I can do...unless I get blackmail on her."

"NO!!!" yelled both Sirius and Remus at the same time.

"James," said Remus.

"She would –" said Sirius, frightened.

"Kill you." finished Remus. "And plus, I doubt you can dig up anything better then what she's got."

"Well," said Sirius. "Unless you get her drunk enough to give you a blow job, and then...well...it worked out in my head. Now it just sounds stupid."

My disgust was beyond words. And yet it sounded strangely appealing. SHUT UP, BRAIN.

"Sirius, you're my best mate and everything, but – "

"Yes, Jamesie?"

"Shut the fuck up."

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**((Lily's POV))**

"So how long do you think it'll be before he realizes if he doesn't apologize he'll get blackmailed for life?" asked Maria with a grin.

Lily laughed. "Oh, we just have to wait for Remus to tell them." She shivered. It was nearly November, but the fireplace was warm and she was wearing a sweater, so she wasn't cold. Perhaps it was the expecatation...

About ten minutes later, she saw James, Sirius and Remus re-entering the common room. Sirius led the way over to us. They sat down, and I decided to be as cold as possible, seeing as they deserved nothing less.

I didn't say a word, just averted my eyes anywhere but them. The ceiling, the floor, Maria, Alex, the stairs, whatever. Still, out of the corner of my eye I saw James, still fuming but there was now fear in his eye.

_Sucka,_ I thought maliciously.

"Can I help you?" came Alex's icy, professional voice. I love that girl.

"Actually, you can." Said Sirius, this time, very serious. "James? Would you like to say something?"

James sighed and reluctantly said, "Lily? Can I have a word with you?"

I still didn't look at him. So aggravating, keeping myself from insulting him.

"Anything you would like to say to Lily, you can say here," intoned Maria, just as cold as Alex.

Suddenly ideas flashed through my head of things I _definitely_ didn't want James to say in front of all my friends. "No, no," I said hurriedly but frosty. I walked over, away from my friends to a dusty corner, motioning James to follow me.

We stood there for a moment, me, expectant, my arms crossed across my chest, James, awkward and not knowing how to begin. "Well?" I asked.

"Um...Lily...I just wanted to apologize for, well, calling you a bitch and everything..."

"Mm hmm..."

"And I hope you'll forgive me...and that we can try to be friends," he finished lamely.

I tapped my finger on my chin for a moment and pretended to think. "Huh, that's funny, I think you're just doing this so I won't spread the whole blow-job thing around school. Forget your lame apologies. I won't tell anyone, but I will not, repeat, _will not,_ under any circumstances, be your friend."

I started to walk back, but James caught my arm and turned me around. I wrenched my arm out of his grasp. Why did touching him make me feel like I had swallowed a million butterflies? "WHAT?" I asked impatiently, uncomfortable that he touched me just now in any way.

"Lily...why can't we be friends?"

I gave him an exasperated look. "You know just as well as I do. You've been horrible to me, you're an egotistical jerk, you try to ask me out because you think every girl would jump at the chance, you're an egotistical jerk, your head is so swollen I wonder how you stay upright on a broomstick, just about a half an hour ago, you called me a bitch, and you're an egotistical jerk. Should I keep going?"

For a moment, I saw that look flit across his eyes. The look that appeared as if I had just broken his already broken heart. "No." He said it quietly and without making eye contact.

"Good," I said, unnerved. I turned around and walked quickly back.

"Maria! Alex!" I called to them. They looked up at me. "I think I'm gonna just...go up in the dormitory, ok? You guys stay down here."

They had concerned looks on their faces but they nodded and Alex stood up. She gave me a hug and whispered in my ear "You want company?" I shook my head no, and she said, "Okay. But, Lil, remember...just because you feel one way doesn't mean you can't feel another."

She broke our embrace and turned around just as I was about to inquire. Whatever. I was tired. I swiftly strode up the stairs and into the girls' dormitories.

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**((James's POV))**

I walked back over to where we were sitting, just to see Lily give Alex a hug and head up to her dormitory. As Alex sat back down, she whispered something to a concerned-looking Maria. Maria nodded and turned back to us. She faced me and said, "James Potter."

"Maria Grenovich?"

"I hope you know that your actions are completely foolish."

"Which ones?" I inquired, confused.

She gave me a disgusted look. "That apology was lame."

I was surprised to hear that come out of her mouth, considering we were out of earshot when I had attempted to apologize. "I beg your pardon?"

"I read lips," she said, grinning. "And your apologies suck."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, babe."

"So," Remus said innocently. "How'd it go?"

"You, Remus Lupin, are full of it," I said, annoyed. "It didn't go very well. She hates my guts, I hate hers –"

I was cut off by everyone snorting with laughter, grins hidden by their hands. "What?" I asked.

"Well," said Sirius, obviously about to be a smartass. "'Hate' isn't the word I would use, if I were talking about you and Lily. Actually, I would probably use that word when it comes to Lily. But, for you, I would probably shoot for a little...hmm..._weaker_ word for you. Possibly even opposite. But you know, that's just me."

"Ha ha," I said sarcastically. "You're so funny, Sirius."

"Aren't I just?" he said innocently.

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**((Lily's POV))**

As she lay on her bed in the dormitory, she stared at the ceiling and wondered.

_Why does he make me feel so many ways at once?_ I asked myself. _I'm so confused..._

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**((James's POV))**

As the others chatted away, my mind wandered back to Lily.

_Why does she make me feel so many things at once? _I wondered. _I'm so confused. I feel like I could beat her up if she said one more harsh word to me, but then I feel like I would follow her wherever she goes, no matter how many miles she travels..._

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**((Lily's POV))**

_...I feel I could follow him for ten thousand miles, maybe more, wherever he would go._

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**((James's POV))**

_I wonder if...no, it can't be. I can't...no. That would never happen._

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**((Lily's POV))**

_I feel so weird when he touches me, even in the slightest way...I wonder...no, of course not. Silly of me to even think it._


	5. Another Apology Failed,Two Broken Hearts

That night, neither group of friends slept once they got up to their dormitories, male nor female.

**(( James's POV))**

James lay staring at the ceiling for quite a while, waiting for either Remus or Sirius to comment on and/or ask him pieces of information he didn't particularly want to dispense.

About ten minutes later, Sirius finally gave in and broke the silence. "James," he said, choosing his words carefully, "I was just wondering...how you really felt...about Lily."

_Hard to say,_ James thought. _You'll have to ask me about, oh, every other minute. It's sure to be different every time._

"Not sure," he finally said. "Mixed feelings, I guess." Even he could tell he was lying. He was never good at acting.

"C'mon, James...you and us both know that's not the most truthful answer in the world," Remus chimed in.

_Tell them the truth,_ said one voice in the corner of his mind.

_No, don't tell them, they might tell her. Or, worse, make fun of you,_ countered another voice. Ignoring the one that told him not to tell them, he said reluctantly, "I guess...I guess..."

"Yes?" said Sirius patiently. _Whoa,_ thought James. _Sirius can be PATIENT!_ _It's a miracle!_

"...I guess I sorta like her," _Thank GOD you told them..._said another little voice in his head. _It's EXCRUCIATING keeping something like that from everyone._

"'Sorta' meaning..." Sirius asked, some of the playfulness back in his voice.

"Head over heels for her?" finished Remus, his voice coming from the foot of his bed.

I laughed but didn't answer. "Yep, he's in love," said Sirius, amusement evident in his voice. "Now James...you had better treat that girl right. Or me n' Remus are gonna beat the livin' crap outta you."

"Yeah, fella, you mess wit' our lil' sista and we'll know why," Remus suddenly went gangsta' on James.

I just laughed again and thought, _It's good to finally tell someone._

**((Lily's POV)) **

"Lily? Are you awake?" whispered Alex. Lily opened her eyes and Alex was standing directly over her, her blonde hair hanging in Lily's face, blue eyes wide.

"Holy _shit, _Alex, gimme some warning next time," I said, hand over my rapidly-beating heart. She giggled. How nice. Please, feel free to interrupt the only time during the day I have to rest.

"Lily, Maria's asleep but I need to talk," she said, her eyes concerned.

"What is it, Al?"

"Lily," she said, obviously being careful of what she said. "Did you hear what I said earlier? Before you came up here?"

"Yeah..." I said hesitantly. For some reason, this gave me the feeling she wanted to discuss some things I didn't especially want to talk about.

"Well, I've been thinking about it. And I think that you're in love."

"With who?"

"James Potter." Flat out. Just like that. I thought she was going to dance around the idea for another hour at least.

"I...I...I think...," I stuttered, surprised, and suddenly the words started tumbling out of m mouth. "...I think you might be right." and suddenly all the things that happened all day, all the emotions, just flooded me and I started to cry. Big, fat, baby tears. Not a sound came out of my mouth, but a waterfall started streaming down my face.

Alex pulled me to her and gave me a huge bear hug. "Alex...what do I do?" I asked desperately. "I just said I didn't even want to be _friends _with him, I said all those awful things. My temper just took ahold of me and wouldn't let go."

Alex giggled a little and said, "I noticed. But seriously, Lil, I think you hurt him. Bad. You're going to have to apologize...and probably not tell him for a while, at least."

"Alex, I don't even know if I can handle being more than friends."

"Babe, I don't know if _I_ could handle you two being more than just friends."

**((James's POV))**

_I'll never get to sleep,_ I thought restlessly, but I was wrong. As soon as we stopped talking about Lily, I was straight to sleep and the next thing I knew, it was dawn.

I got dressed in clean robes and grabbed my glasses and my wand. Knowing I wouldn't be able to sleep any longer, I went down to the common room and recalled the strangest dream I had had last night.

_**Dreaming**_

_I was running through Hogwarts' grounds. Past the pond, the Whomping Willow, and suddenly I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and saw Lily chasing me. Her eyes sparkled as she giggled, and she kept running. I sped up, for reasons unknown. Soon, however, I was out of breath and I stopped to rest for a minute. She caught up with me quickly and said in a voice he had never heard before, "James...you know how I feel. I may not be able to show it, but don't lose heart."_

_**End Dreaming**_

_That was weird,_ he thought. _That wasn't even her voice..._

Suddenly I heard footsteps coming from the girls' dormitories' stairs. I looked up and saw Lily. I caught her eye and she looked surprised.

She looked beautiful, as always. Her shining red hair was curly and out of control, framing her oval face and huge, green eyes. As if possessed by another person, she smiled a friendly smile she had never let me see.

She came over and sat in an armchair across from mine. _Am I still dreaming?_ I thought confusedly. _Is this the real Lily Evans?_

They sat there in silence for a few minutes, James avoiding making eye contact and Lily struggling with how to start. "Lovely day," she finally said, and James simply nodded.

"Not a cloud in the sky," he said, sounding so hurt he even surprised himself.

**((Lily's POV))**

_I can't do this, I can't do this..._she thought desperately. _If I say any more, I won't be able to control my words...Oh shit, he's staring at me..._

"James..." I began, startling the both of us. "I...I need to apologize. I said things I didn't mean yesterday...I'm incredibly sorry. I _do_ want to be friends. I haven't any idea why I said that."

James still looked hurt. _Oh no..._I thought, frightened. _What if he can't even be friends?_

**((James's POV))**

As much as I wanted to be her friend and so, so much more, I didn't think I could. Hearing all the things she thought about me when she was mad...well, that just broke my heart. She made me so angry with her and myself both. Mad at myself because even though she insulted me so badly, I still loved her with all my heart. And mad at her because she didn't forgive me when I tried to apologize.

_I don't know if I can do it,_ I thought to myself. _I can't do this. I can't. Not now._

"Lily..." I said, finally. "I'm sorry. I forgive you. But talking to you...like friends...well...I don't think I'm done being angry yet...and...it's...just so – complicated."

I saw the pain in her eyes for half a second, but then the froze over, she was emotionless. "I see," she said, her voice polite but cold. "If you'll excuse me." Without waiting for an answer, she got up and went over to meet her friends that were waiting on the sidelines. The three of them sat down, and I saw Lily put her head in her hands, and Maria started rubbing her back as Alex started consoling her with words I couldn't hear.

I leaned back, frustrated with myself. I saw Remus and Sirius come down the stairs, looking groggy. Peter tagged along behind, keeping a safe distance from them, seeing as neither of them were morning persons.

I got up, said a quick "Hi," to them, then walked out of the portrait hole, heading down to breakfast. On the way down, I saw Mrs. Norris, that filthy cat, annoying as hell. She came up to me and clawed my leg.

"OI!!!" I yelled as she pierced my skin. Usually, in a better temper I would have just run away, but today was different. I kicked that damn cat out of my way then stormed down the stairs. That would probably earn me a detention and a meeting with Professor Dumbledore, but all the same, it felt good.

"Hey! James!" I heard Sirius call me. I turned around and waited for him to catch up. "What the FUCK, mate, you're going to get seriously nailed. Filch is in love with that cat."

"I don't care," I said angrily. Sirius looked frightened and concerned all at once.

"James...what did you do?"

I sighed heavily. "Sirius, I'm such an idiot."

"James..."

"I told her I didn't want to be friends when she came to apologize this morning. I can't do it. I just can't," I said, my voice pleading.

Sirius's mouth was so wide I'm sure I could've stuck a watermelon, whole, in his mouth. "James-stupid-you-god-you-GOD," Sirius stuttered angrily. "WHY WOULD YOU DO AN IDIOTIC THING LIKE THAT???" Didn't take long for him to recover.

"Sirius..." I stopped walking, and seeing me, he stopped as well. "It's not easy to be friends with someone you're in love with, both of you knowing it couldn't be anything else even if you both wanted it to. That's why I did it."

I started walking away and out of the corner of my eye I saw Sirius wide-eyed with understanding, and then suddenly run back to Gryffindor tower.


	6. She's Like An Angel With Wings

**(A/N: Just thought I'd mention that this chapter might have a bit of Sirius's POV as well.)**

**((Lily's POV))**

_ I don't understand..._I thought. _HE was the one asking me yesterday...you'd think he would still want to be friends?_

"Lily, I'm sorry, but you know, you said some awful things yesterday," Alex said sympathetically. "It's odd, though, you'd think he'd still want to be friends."

"I know!" I said tearfully. "I was thinking the same thing. I just don't understand."

I saw James walk out of the common room, closely followed by Sirius, motioning to Remus not to follow.

Maria stood behind me and said quietly, "I think you're too much for him to handle."

Confused, I turned to her and said, "What's THAT supposed to mean?"

"It's not _supposed_ to mean anything. What it _could _mean is that...well, Lily, I think James might like you a little. Actually a lot. I think he might be in love with you...but you just broke his heart. He can't be friends until he's over you," Maria, suddenly the professional psychiatrist.

"What?" I asked, still confused. Maria was about to explain again when Alex suddenly cut her off.

"Let's just go to breakfast. We're gonna be late if we wait any longer."

I sighed, defeated, and nodded my head yes.

On our way out, we saw Sirius running as fast as he could back to the tower. When he saw us, he skidded to a stop and held up one finger as he panted. When he had caught his breath, he shot me an accusing look and asked, "Lily. What the hell did you say to him yesterday?"

"What?" I asked, confused. "Who? When?"

"James," panted Sirius. "What the hell did you say to him to make him refuse your apology???"

My eyes dropped to my scuffed-up shoes as I remember with regret all the things I had said to James. "I – Sirius, I –"

Sirius was staring at me so hard I was forced to look up. Seeing the disappointment in his eyes, I broke into tears again, sobbing hard in to Alex's shoulder, Maria patting my shoulder comfortingly. _What have I done? _I thought painfully. _What have I done???  
_

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_

**((Sirius's POV))**

It was all coming together now. James was in love with Lily. Lily was in love with James. But they fought constantly.

_ Love is crazy, _I thought to myself, watching Lily cry her eyes out, patiently waiting for her to respond. _I guess opposites really do attract._

Lily finally looked up at me, her eyes and nose red, a few final tears slowly making their way down her nose. "Sirius, I didn't mean any of that, I was just mad, and – and – I think I might have called him and egotistical jerk more than once," she explained, begging me for forgiveness. "But I was just mad, and it's not like HE hasn't ever said anything out of his temper before –"

"Lily Evans, I am NOT the person you are trying to apologize to," I said sternly, angry with both of them for being so pigheaded and stupid. _They are both a pain in my neck, _I thought, rolling my eyes.

A wall seemed to have been built instantaneously around Lily's face. It was suddenly emotionless, blank. "Tried," she said softly. "I already tried, I am not trying."

That shocked me. What happened to her? She looked exactly like James did, just a moment ago, in the hallway.

She continued in the same monotonous, quiet voice. "You should know it is not easy to apologize, much less apologize once you have insulted the person you're in love with. And it's even harder to accept that that person that you are in love with does not accept your apology to even try to be friends, but I suppose I understand the reasoning behind the refusal. So, if you'll excuse us, we're going to breakfast," she finished, almost completely silent.

Then she walked away, Maria and Alex following, shocked at the sudden calm in their friend. I shook my head in disbelief. _What the hell is going on here?  
_

_----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_

**((Lily's POV))**

After I calmed down and explained to Sirius how I was feeling, I walked away, surprised at how I had expressed my feelings. It was like my heart did the talking for me.

I noticed that Maria and Alex didn't follow me, but faintly heard their voices talking to Sirius urgently. I sighed deeply. _Whatever,_ I thought, depressed.

On my way to the Great Hall, I saw James, walking slowly down the corridor. _Oh, FABULOUS,_ I thought, my heart breaking at the very sight of him. _Just what I need. No, no, it couldn't be some charming Ravenclaw guy to cheer me up, no, of COURSE NOT. It had to be James Potter. Lovely. Thank you, fate, you're so kind._

James apparently heard my footsteps behind him, turned around, and I quickly averted my eyes to the ground, trying hard not to start crying again. Out of the corner of my eye I saw his surprised look and then he quickly turned around and sped up his pace, just as I was slowing down.

A second or two later, I heard Sirius's heavy footsteps jogging past me to catch up with James. He shot me a sympathetic look, but looked back so fast I had to think about whether I imagined it or not.

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**((James' POV))**

_ Don't look at her, don't look at her, don't look at her, _I said over and over to myself, willing myself with all my might not to run back to her, get on my knees, and beg her to forgive me.

Suddenly, Sirius was beside me. "You," he said, panting slightly. "And Lily, are a pain in my neck," he said, soundly sort of cross.

"Why?" I asked, confused. _Sure, we kept not forgiving each other, but that's not surprising, I mean, we hate each other...don't we?_

Sirius rolled his eyes but didn't answer. We finished making our way to the Great Hall and quickly found seats for breakfast. A few minutes later, Lily, Maria, and Alex made their way over, as usual, to sit with us, followed by Remus and Peter. Lily hesitated, when she found the only seat left was across from me, but rather bravely, I thought, sat down after a moment.

Although I kept my eyes on my plate, I caught her glancing up at me, more than once. Her eyes seemed rather red.

Sirius, Remus, Alex, and Maria chattered away, keeping the conversation going carefully, apparently making sure every so often that Lily and I weren't going to have at each other.

When we were nearly done breakfast, Professor Dumbledor stood up and raised his hands for silence, about to make an announcement. We all looked up quickly.

"Students, teachers," he started, his deep voice rumbling to every corner of the room, his mouth friendly and his eyes twinkling. "Before all of your first classes, I have an announcement that, I'm sure, will please you all. This Friday, four days from today, we will have a school dance."

Excited whispers and giggles filled the room rapidly as soon as the words "school dance" had come out of his mouth. He raised his hands again, and the whispers subsided quickly.

"I know you must be excited. I, too, look forward to it. Couples are not required, but there is going to be a dance competition, ballroom dancing, and that IS required to have a partner. The competition is for sixth and seventh years ONLY. I'm sorry, first through fifth years, but your turn will come sooner than you think. The judges for the competition will be myself, Professor McGonagall, Professor Trelawney, and Professor Flitwick. We are also going to have muggle dress, not dress robes. I hope to see you all Friday night, seven o'clock sharp, here in the Great Hall. Please finish your breakfast and hurry to your classes. Thank you."

_ Great,_ I thought, depressed. _A night of stupid girls asking me to dance because afterwards they can go over to their friends and giggle.  
_

_---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
_

**((Lily's POV))**

_ Hmmm, _I thought, slightly interested. _A school dance. No way am I doing that ballroom dancing competition, though. _She smiled to herself. She was a really lousy dancer.

Maria, next to her, nudged her and whispered in her ear, "We've got to go to Charms before we're late." I nodded and Alex, Maria, and I rose up and walked briskly out of the Great Hall.

Once in the Entrance Hall, and the noise slightly dimmed, Alex squealed excitedly and said "A school dance!!"

Maria and I laughed at her and Maria commented, "You should sing, Lily, that would be amazing."

I shook my head at her. "I could never do that, Maria, I'd get such bad stage-fright that I'd probably puke."

She giggled and said sweetly, "I'll bring the bucket."

"And anyway," I said, ignoring her quip. "I'm not that good of a singer. You're just as good as me."

Maria looked at me exasperatedly. "Lily, are you crazy? You're an AMAZING singer. You're like an angel with wings. I'm not even near as good as you."

Alex nodded in agreement and said, "Maria, no offense, but Lily's definitely better than you. I mean, Maria and I can sing in tune, Lil, but _you –_ you make the song sound like – like – well, I don't know, but it's amazing."

I smiled at them but still shook my head. "And anyways," Maria piped up again, "once you get onstage, you're fine. You said so yourself."

I just rolled my eyes, slightly embarrassed at their extreme compliments. "Whatever, you guys..."

We walked the rest of the way in silence, but when we were right outside of the Charm's classroom, Professor Dumbledor came by and stopped us. "Lily, I was wondering about something. We're having a few students perform at the dance. Some are going to sing. Some do dancing acts, comedy acts...you know, that sort of thing, to keep the flow going. I was wondering if you might like to sing something for us and share your lovely voice."

I just stared in shock. _How does he know I can sing?_ I thought bewildered. I was about to refuse, but Maria and Alex, grinning wildly, answered for me.

"She'll do it," Maria said quickly.

"Absolutely," chimed in Alex.

"Splendid," said Professor Dumbledor, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I look forward to it."

And with that he walked briskly away. My eyes bulged and I turned to my two friends behind me. "Mariaaaaaaaaaa!!! ALEEEEX!!!!! I can't – I get such bad stage-fright – you – you –"

"You'll be fabulous, Lily, don't worry," said Alex, leading the way into the nearly empty Charms classroom.

"Yeah. Lily, you'll be _great_," Maria said, smiling ecstatically. Before I could respond, the rest of the class filed in, including the Marauders, James looking especially unhappy, and Professor Flitwick, who motioned for silence.

"I'll get you for this," I whispered to them, but they just grinned at me.

_ Oh, they will SO pay,_ I thought savagely to myself. _I am going to DIE on that stage...I wonder, what song should I sing? I guess it could be fun...it's only ONE song..._

**(A/N: There's Chapter 6! Sorry I didn't update for a LONG TIME, I had tons of stuff to do and went on vacation for a WEEK!!! But here's a nice lengthy chapter, for your enjoyment. At least I think it's lengthy. On Microsoft Word, it's like 6 pages long. Well, I should rap this up before I start to ramble.**

**Please Read and Review!!!!!!!!!**

**Lots of Love,**

**Gwyn)**


	7. Almost

**((Lily's POV))**

The remainder of the week passed mostly uneventfully. There was excited conversations all over about the upcoming school dance, what to wear, who is going with whom. I enjoyed it, but slightly outside of it.

On Thursday, after lessons, Maria and Alex snuck me out to Hogsmede through a secret passage we had caught the Marauders using and promised not to tell about if they let us use it as well.

There was, of course, a robe shop, but they had a large selection of muggle clothing and shoes as well. We hurried towards the shop, entering the door labeled "Mademoiselle Marie's Robes and Dress for Special Occasions". Mademoiselle Marie was from France, and, although she did not understand some things we said, she was a beautiful seamstress.

As we entered the shop, the door gave a little tinkle and Marie looked up from a rack of clothing she was stacking onto another rack. "Ah!" she exclaimed happily. "Filles! Wonderful to see you all, vous tout semblez beau!" She exclaimed in French, coming over to greet them. "Elles semblent beaux, non?" she asked her fellow tailor, Mademoiselle Tatiana.

Mademoiselle Tatiana looked up and also smiled a very toothy smile, nodding excitedly, murmuring, "Oui, oui, elles semblent beaux."

Alex and Maria looked to me, because they didn't speak French at all. My mother taught my sister, Petunia, and me at an early age to speak quite fluently. "Merci beaucoup," I said smiling and hugging Marie. Then I turned to Alex and Maria and said, "She said, 'you look beautiful!' and then she said to Tatiana, 'they look beautiful, no?' and Tatiana said, 'yes, yes, they look beautiful.'"

Maria and Alex chorused an 'oooh,' then quickly smiled as well and hugged her. "Elles vous remercient aussi bien," I said quickly, and whispered to them that I thanked her for them.

"Now, now," Mademoiselle Marie settled down to business, bringing us to the back of the store, where we could get the latest in of dresses and robes. "What would vous like? Wizard robes? Or robes longues?"

I quickly realized I would do much of the talking here. "Robes longues," I said, meaning evening gowns, or muggle party dresses.

Marie muttered, "Oui, oui, je regarde." She fumbled through messy piles of clothes that had obviously just arrived, finally coming across a pile of very sparkly, colorful dresses. "Aha!" she exclaimed happily. "Here vous are. Ayez d'amusement. Call for moi when you are fini." And with that she swept away to finish putting dresses on the rack.

"Merci beacoup!" I called at her retreating back. "Well, come on then. These are the newest, I'm pretty sure. Let's try some on, yeah?"

Alex and Maria's eyes sparkled. They were hardcore shoppers. After rummaging through the pile for some time, Alex spotted a violet dress that she obviously was in love with. She pulled it out of the pile and went to try it on. She came out, and Maria and I gasped in amazement.

Alex was robed in a spaghetti-strap floor length dress. The upper half fit her shape perfectly, complimenting her curves and dips and rises. The waist had a dipped seam, and then puffed out only a small bit, about half an inch wider than her hips, into a full, beautiful skirt. It was obviously real, violet satin, embroidered with something that looked like a real jewel. Amethyst! That's it. Real, teeny-tiny amethysts, curving in and around the dress, making her look like a real princess. It complimented her deep blue eyes, and her dirty-blonde hair absolutely sparkled with it. Maria squealed and said, "Oh Alex, it's PERFECT! You HAVE to get it!"

Alex twirled around in front of the mirror. "Do you really think?" she said, absolutely besotted. "I do like it."

"You're getting it," I said, amazed at the beauty. I smiled at her and said, "It makes your eyes look almost purple."

She grinned at me and went back behind the dressing curtain.

We searched for a while longer, and then Alex and Maria found a canary yellow dress that Maria took a liking to. She went to try it on, and Alex and I waited for her to come out. When she did, she was just as stunning as Alex.

Maria's dress was the brightest yellow I have ever seen, but somehow it didn't hurt your eyes. It had little cap-short sleeves and a high waist, the seam landing right below her bust. The seam also had a tiny yellow ribbon tied in a perfect bow,and the dress went to her feet as well. Of course, Mademoiselle Marie had to add a little something to make it sparkle, so it had miniscule daffodil-yellow sequins curving and spinning around in tasteful designs around the dress. Maria also had blue eyes, which stood out amazingly, although they were much lighter than Alex's eyes. Her shoulder-length jet black hair looked blacker than black. She was a vision. Maria's face broke into a huge smile. "Do you like it?" she asked.

"Absolutely!" I said happily. "You've always looked good in yellow. Get it."

Alex smiled and nodded ecstatically. "Okay," Maria said, still grinning and went back behind the dressing curtain.

We searched for ages and it seemed we would never find a dress that fit me. Blue, purple, pink, none of those pixie-colors looked good on me. Finally, after nearly forty-five minutes, Alex held up a dress.

I quickly went into the dressing room. Although Alex's and Maria's dresses were beautiful, this dress was absolutely extravagant. I looked at myself in the mirror and gasped. I quickly stepped out to show Alex and Maria. They, too, looked as though their eyes would pop out of their heads.

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((Alex's POV))

As Lily came out of the dressing room, I thought I would faint. Nearly three-quarters of an hour we had searched, and it was entirely worth it.

She had on a blacker-then-black dress that fit her form perfectly. Lily wasn't very tall, about 5'3 with short and shapely legs and a curvy upper-body. It hugged her curves and didn't gap in the back like most dresses did on her. The waistline dipped in to a pointed seam at her waist, and went all the way to her toes. Her skirt puffed out a little like my dress, but it looked better on her shape than mine. To top every perfect detail off, Mademoiselle Marie had embroidered in the tiniest emeralds I had ever seen. It set off her bright green eyes perfectly, and her curly red hair shone.

"Oh, Lily," I said softly. "You look beautiful."

Maria shook her head in disbelief. "That is the most perfect dress ever designed for you. If you don't get it, I might have to hex you."

Lily laughed and smiled, showing her perfect white teeth. The dress looked even better when she was smiling.

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((Lily's POV))

I was in a happy daze as we all found shoes to match our dresses (Alex – strappy sandals, Maria – ballet flats, me – stilettos) but finally came to my senses when we had to pay for everything.

"Ah," Mademoiselle Marie said happily as she saw the dress I picked out. "Je fais ceci juste pour vous," she said, smiling, which I roughly translated to 'I made this just for you.'

I smiled broadly and thanked her and kissed her cheeks. We quickly paid, me translating money and ran back through the secret passageway in Honeyduke's cellar. When we were safely back in the Gryffindor common room, we ran up to the dormitories to marvel at our beautiful dresses.

Realizing the time, we ran down to the Great Hall to get some food. I was starving.

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((James' POV))

The week had passed quickly, Lily and I avoiding being near each other and only speaking when absolutely necessary. Lily's and my friends exchanged significant glances often, but I ignored them. On Thursday, the night before the dance, Sirius, Remus, and I headed down to dinner and found some open seats. There was no sign of the girls.

As Sirius started piling his plate with food, he said to me, "There's a rumor going around school that Dumbledore asked some of the 6th and 7th years to perfore singing, dancing and comedy acts and _Lily, _yes _Lily Evans,_ is going to _sing!_"

"At the dance?" asked Remus, confused. "But I thought she got stage-fright."

"She does," Sirius said, smiling wickedly. "Apparently Maria and Alex were there and they sort of accepted for her."

Remus laughed slightly, but I just kept my face blank. "That'll be a hoot," I said sarcastically, but Sirius must have received it as bitterly.

"Hey James, if you really want to I'll bring you earplugs," he said, looking surprised that I wasn't amused. "She sings beautifully, though, you know that. She'll be the best one there," he added proudly.

Remus smartly decided to subtlely change the subject just then. "So," he said slowly. "Are either of you going with anyone to the dance?"

Sirius grinned. "I thought you'd never ask. Yep, I've got a date. Her name's Alex. Really cool girl, very lax."

Remus laughed a little, obviously knowing something I didn't. "Yeah," he said casually. "I think I might be going with some girl you guys don't know. Her name's Maria. Ever heard of her?"

"No, I haven't," I said shortly. "And I'm not going with anyone." The only person I would ever ask, I wasn't speaking to at the moment.

Remus read my mind and asked, "So you two still aren't speaking?"

Unhappy with myself mostly, I said sharply, "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm just don't want to go with anyone."

"Oh, well then," Sirius said sarcastically. "That, OF COURSE, is why you aren't going with anyone."

"Yes," Remus added, also slightly fed up with me. "James Potter COULD GO with any girl he wanted, he just doesn't want to. OH WAIT, there might be someone I forgot. Huh."

"Sorry," I muttered. Remus and Sirius laughed at me and I rolled my eyes. Just then, the last person I wanted to see, and Maria and Alex came bursting through the door of the Great Hall. Nearly every student turned to look at them all, panting and slightly flushed.

"What?" Alex asked loudly. "Never seen anyone late for dinner before? Jeeze."

Maria and Alex led Lily over to the seats near us. _Lovely,_ I thought dryly. _This should be fun_.

Lily got stuck with the seat across from me. An expression of exasperation crossed her face briefly but then she just sighed and sat down.

"So, Lily," Sirius said slyly, "I hear you're the only one of your group going solo at the dance tomorrow."

Lily looked bewildered and then realization sunk in and she turned to Maria and Alex who looked sheepish. "Are you asking for a death wish? Leaving me with those three all night?"

"Actually," Remus said, obviously amused, "Make that one of them. You don't seem to know who's going with Maria and Alex."

Lily's jaw dropped, and I muttered, "Tomorrow is just going to be _tons _of fun."

Lily looked over at me and then back to Sirius and Remus, then over at Maria and Alex. "You didn't ask for a death wish, you ordered one with side of slaw and chicken."

Maria and Alex laughed, and Alex said, "Sorry Lil, but there's always one more of them..."

"NO!" yelled Lily and I at the same time, and Alex, Maria, Sirius, and Remus burst out laughing.

Lily flushed beet red and I felt my own cheeks heat up. Trying to do some damage control, I said to Remus and Sirius, "I told you, I just don't feel like going with anyone," and Sirius snorted into his pudding.

"Whatever," Lily said, tossing her hair, and she got up and left.

"Ooooh....Maria and Alex are in trou – ble!" Sirius said, laughing.

Maria and Alex laughed as well and Maria said, "James, this would be your queue."

_Huh?_ I though confusedly. "What do you mean?" I asked her.

She rolled her eyes and said condescendingly, "James, I believe YOU were the one who didn't accept her apology last. Therefore, THIS would be your queue."

I blushed crimson. "No," I said, shaking my head. "I can't."

"Fine..." Alex said, amused. "You'll regret it later."

Pissed, I said sharply, "Maybe I will, and maybe won't," and with that I got up and left as well.

As I was leaving I heard Sirius say, "Alex, you obviously don't think one death wish is enough do you?" and Alex replied haughtily, "I don't think your in any position to criticize me, Mr. Black."

_Damn right, _I thought angrily. _Damn them all. _

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((Lily's POV))

When I got to the common room, I was still steaming. _A WHOLE NIGHT without Maria and Alex? Even without Sirius and Remus! A WHOLE NIGHT with James Potter, who refused my apology. Nice work, fate. Thanks so much. _

Just as I plopped down in my favorite armchair in front of the fire, guess who walked in. Yep. That's right. Mr. Potter himself.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him notice me, sigh, exasperated, and then walk briskly over to me and sit in a chair across from me. "Listen," he said, using his no-nonsense-Quidditch-captain voice. "We have to be civil with each other for a whole night tomorrow. We might as well try to have a conversation with each other so they can't laugh at us when we try to start a conversation and it ends up as an awkward silence."

I looked at him, my eyes narrow. "I'm sorry, am I mistaken, or is this your idea of an apology? Because it seems to me that that would be an act of friendship, and God knows we can't have THAT."

He had enough shame to look sheepish. "Listen. Let's just try and get along, yeah? Not that the fighting isn't amusing, but come on." Seeing that I was still glaring at him, he sighed and said, "Okay, fine. I'll start. Have you figured out what song you're going to sing at the dance?"

My heart almost stopped. "How – how did you know I was singing?"

"Just a rumor. Thought I'd make sure if it was true...apparently it is."

Shocked, I nodded. Slowly, I decided that since Maria and Alex weren't being great at listening lately, I decided to confide in him. "I'm scared," I said, my voice shaking. "I've never sang in front of more than 50 people before."

James raised his eyebrows. "What is there to be scared of?"

I was startled at the question. "Well...I don't really know. I guess making a mistake and being mocked for life is an adequate fear."

James smiled and shook his head. "You won't make a mistake. And anyway, no one here is here for their great talents in music. Half of them don't even know how to read music. Three quarters of them don't know what the difference between a sharp and a flat is, and nearly all of them have never heard a song beside what the Weird Sisters sing, and I pray to God you don't sing one of those ridiculous songs."

Surprised at this almost-compliment, I said slowly, "Sort of comforting," and he grinned. "Are you implying you know about music?"

James looked uncomfortable. "My mum likes to sing. She made it her sole responsibility to make sure her only song knows every little thing about music – reading music, writing music, making up harmonies for melodies, you name it."

"Wow," I said, smiling genuinely now. "That's really cool. Do you know any songs I could sing? I'm having trouble deciding..."

He looked thoughtful. "What songs have you narrowed it down to?"

I didn't realize he had picked up on that. "Well," I said, clearing my throat. "There's a couple I like a lot. I like this song called "Breathe," by a muggle singer, Michelle Branch. I think She's like part – American – part – Japanese. And 'Collide,' by another muggle singer, Howie Day." He seemed to understand what I was saying, so I took a chance and continued. "Sometimes I even write songs myself, they're okay, nothing genius –"

He looked intrigued. "You write songs? Well, you should definitely do that. I'd like to read the lyrics, if you don't mind, if you wrote them down?"

That surprised me. "Sure," I said and ran up to our dormitory. I shuffled through my trunk and glanced at the clock. We had left dinner really early, even though I had arrived late. I found my notebook and went back down.

I handed him the notebook and said, "I like the last one the best."

He flipped to the last page I had written on. He read it and said, "That's really cool," but then he flipped back a few pages. "Actually," he said, "I kind of like them both," and he showed me another one I had written.

"Well," I said, rather bravely. "Maybe I'll sing both."

James smiled. "You should," he said quietly, and I smiled back.

Just then, I saw Maria, Alex, Sirius, and Remus enter the common room along with a bunch of other Gryffindor 6th years. They walked over to us, and Sirius said playfully, "What's this? Lily and James, smiling, in the presence of the other? It can't be!"

"Oh hush," I said, swatting him. I saw James quietly slip my notebook behind his back and I shot him a grateful look. Thankfully, none of the others noticed.

Remus said shiftily, "I think I'm going to go – er – study in the library, I've got to finish that Potions essay..."

Maria stood up a little too readily. "Yeah, I think I'll go too...I haven't even started...er...see you later, Lily, Alex," and the two of them ran off.

James and I snorted in unison, and Alex looked at me pleadingly. "Whatever Alex, go to town," I said dryly and she giggled and she and Sirius also exited the common room.

James rolled his eyes and took my notebook back out. "Do you have a recording for this song?" he asked, hesitantly. "It sounds like you need a band background."

"Yeah...actually, I do. My dad's band once played the music for me when I went to work with him and let me sing with all the equipment...that was my first realization that I could write music and hear when harmonies came in and when to change key. My dad is the manager of an American band," I added, as explanation.

"Cool," James whispered, awe-struck.

"Yeah," I said. "They recorded it so I could sing it whenever I wanted."

"I think," James said, "That you should sing this one" – he pointed to the one that I liked – "At the beginning of the dance, and this one" – he pointed to the one he liked as well – "At the end. Ask Dumbledore if you can. He's sure to say yes."

I grinned and said, "I think I will." We sat in comfortable silence for a minute, and finally I said, "Well, I've got to finish reading this book for Charms by Monday, and I haven't even started it, so I better get to bed..."

"Yeah," James said, standing up. I stood up as well, and was suddenly aware that our faces were only an inch apart. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with the urge to kiss him. I practiced self-control, reminding myself that he refused my offering to be friends.

He wasn't moving. Neither was I. I could feel his warm breath on my cheek, and my heart was beating a mile a minute. His eyes were so blue...

"Lily," he said, his whisper nearly inaudible.

"Yes?" I replied, barely moving my lips.

I know he wanted to kiss me. We could both feel it, like our very souls connected and we shared a brain for thirty seconds. Then, the connection broken, I knew that we couldn't, and if he kissed me it would be awkward and we could never maintain a relationship. I know he knew it too.

His face fell as he realized what I did. "Goodnight," he whispered, then turned and walked briskly up to his dormitories.

"Goodnight," I whispered to his retreating back.

The next morning I felt like tiny men were mining in my head with massive hammers. I had barely gotten and sleep for spending the whole night crying for reasons I couldn't quite understand.

I rolled out of bed and crawled into the shower, barely aware that I was washing my hair. When I unconsciously decided my hair was clean, I stepped out of the shower and went to get my wand. I flicked it in the direction of my hair and it was instantly dry.

I pulled on my robes and a pair of shoes and just left my hair down. Maria and Alex were soon coming out of the showers and drying their hair. Maria looked at me and said, "Didn't you sleep, Lil? You've got purple circles under your eyes."

Alex looked over as well, and looking concerned, she grabbed some concealer out of her bag and said, "Here, honey, let me do it."

They instinctively knew something was wrong, however, they knew better than to ask. Alex covered my under eyes and Maria put on some eyeliner and mascara, and by the end of it, I looked much better. I flopped down on my bed and watched them get ready.

"Are you hungry, Lil?" Maria asked, still looking concerned.

I sighed and said, "Let's put it this way – I would have no trouble eating about a pound of chocolate."

Alex and Maria instantly translated this to being a boy problem and came over and enveloped me in their arms. "Poor thing," cooed Alex.

"Let's go to breakfast; you'll feel better after you've eaten something," Maria said sympathetically.

I sighed and said, "I guess I've got to face him eventually."

"That's the spirit," Maria said and she pulled them out of the room.

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((James' POV))

I don't think I've ever been that angry with myself. The fact that we both couldn't do that and we knew it, even though we both wanted to and we both knew it. _I really hate myself right now, _I thought.

After our almost-kiss, everything was a daze. I was only vaguely aware of putting on my pajamas, going to sleep, waking up, and getting dressed. Remus and Peter seemed unaware of my pain, but Sirius seemed slightly concerned, but not enough so as to draw unnecessary attention to me.

When the others mentioned getting breakfast and I didn't move off of my bed, Sirius came over to me poked me hard in the back. "Hey!" I exclaimed. "Oh...sorry. I didn't – I wasn't paying attention."

"It's okay, mate," Sirius said, the concern obvious in his face. "We're gonna be late for breakfast, that's all."

Robotically, I got up and walked down the dormitory stairs and into the common room. _Well, _I thought to myself. _Just my luck. Look who has just entered the common room. _

Sure enough, just as we made our way down the stairs, Lily, Maria, and Alex did as well. Maria and Alex greeted Sirius and Remus, but I avoided Lily's eyes, just she mine. Sirius and Alex exchanged a significant glance, but other than that, there was none of the usual making fun or jokes.

At breakfast, I was stuck across from Lily and a couple of times our eyes met accidentally. Each time, both of us, embarrassed, would lower our eyes quickly. But the third time, Lily held my gaze. "Sorry," she mouthed.

I was shocked for a minute but quickly recovered. "Me too," I mouthed back. A small tear slipped out of the corner of her eye. That's when I broke our eye contact and continued staring at my plate.

When we were halfway through lessons, Dumbledore stood up and motioned for silence. "I would like to make an announcement," his deep voice rumbled to every corner of the hall. "I'm sure you'll all be very pleased to hear this; although possibly inconvenient for some teachers, all classes today are cancelled due to preparing for the school dance later tonight. Your teachers will STILL, however, be able to give you homework. Each teacher will post your homework on the notice boards in your common rooms. Thank you, have a good day."

Sirius looked at James and his face broke into an ecstatic grin. "Hogsmede?" he mouthed.

I shook my head. I wasn't in the mood for much of anything. He frowned at me, but nodded.

After breakfast, James and I walked up to the library, alone. Remus and Peter had stayed with the girls. While pretending to be looking things up, Sirius and I had a hushed conversation.

"What's up with you and Lily?" Sirius asked as he pretended to read the same page of a book for fifteen minutes.

"How did you know?" I asked, startled that he picked it up that quickly.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Well, for one thing, last night, you two were being friendly for the first time in – hmm, let me think about this – EVER, and today you're avoiding each others eyes like it's vital for your survival."

I sighed deeply. "It's complicated."

"We have all day."

_Apparently he thinks he's going to make me tell him, _I thought, annoyed. "I don't want to talk about it, Sirius," I said in a dismissive tone.

Sirius had a look on that obviously said he wasn't getting off that easy. "Well, that's too bad James, because you're telling me. You can't keep everything hidden from the world."

I smiled weakly. "I can try."

Sirius raised and eyebrow and said cockily, "And fail," and as I opened my mouth to reply, he silenced me with a look. "Let's take a walk outside," he said looking significantly at our strict librarian, Madam Pince.

"Fine," I said, sighing again. We quickly returned our books to their places on the shelves and exited the library.

Once on the grounds, Sirius said again, "What happened?"

_Apparently he knows he's going to make me tell him, _I thought, defeated. "I don't know Sirius, it's so complicated with us, you know –"

"You make things more complicated than they really are," Sirius interrupted. "Okay, since you're not going to tell me straight out, fine. I'll get it out of you myself."

_Oh God._

"Alright," he started briskly. "Now, I assume, when Alex and I were there with you and Lily, you were talking. Very civilly, I might add. Correct?"

"Uh huh..." I started.

"Okay. Then when Alex and I left, I assume that you might have finished your conversation and sat in silence for a minute or so, neither wanting to leave but neither knowing how to continue the conversation. Correct, am I not?"

"Sometimes I wonder if you spy on me," I said, amazed.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said with a grin. "And then, Lily being the one who has an endless abundance of excuses, made some excuse about homework or something, and you agreed and you both stood up. Right so far?"

"Actually, yeah, you are, for a change," I said dryly and he continued as if he hadn't heard me.

"So then, something happened. Either one of you said something that extended your friendship a little far or something along those lines, and then one of you just turned tail and ran. Well, walked. Am I correct, or should I try again?"

"You – you must have been there!" I said, shocked. "Crazy stalker."

"No," he said, grinning. "I just know you too well."

"Actually," I said. "It didn't have anything to do with talking. Sirius, it was like our _souls _connected. I knew exactly everything that was going through her head at that second."

"So you did something stupid," Sirius said looking at me exasperatedly.

"No!" I said defensively. "We didn't _do_ anything, because then, of course, it would make things complicated. But OF COURSE, the very fact that it almost happened has made it complicated."

Sirius shook his head, amused. "You two are a piece of work."

I made a face at him and he just laughed and we made our way back up to the castle for lunch.

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((Lily's POV))

Alex, Maria, and I spent the morning doing homework. Just before lunch, Maria poked me hard in the side to get my attention. "Ow! Oh, is it time for lunch then? Great, I'm starving," I said, standing up.

"Look who's just come back," Alex whispered in my ear. I looked over to the entrance of the common room and saw James walking in with Sirius, looking rather windswept. My heart started beating rapidly and I swallowed hard, feeling like there was a golf ball stuck in my throat.

"Let's go to lunch, please, Alex," I said, pleading.

She rolled her eyes at me, but nonetheless, linked arms with me and we walked down to the Great Hall for lunch.

At lunch, I tried to find the most crowded place to sit to minimize possible contact with James. Alex, however, had different thoughts. She grabbed the empty part of the Gryffindor table and dragged me down with her.

I gave her an exasperated look, but she just ignored me and started piling my plate with food. "Alex! If I eat this much, tonight I'll DEFINITELY puke, and it'll be onstage, and messy."

"On the other hand, you might just burn it all off dressing up and pacing, worrying, and doing your hair over and over and then it will just be a dry heave," she shot back, not missing a beat. "You need to keep your strength up or your voice will fail on you."

I made a face at her and said sarcastically, "Fine, Mom."

She smiled and batted her eyelashes at me. "That's a good girl. Maybe I'll even hang out with you tonight instead of preoccupying myself...elsewhere."

"Alex! Ew!"

She laughed at me and said, "And I'll tell ya something else. He's a DAMN good kisser..."

"ALEX!!"

Just then, Sirius walked up behind her and put his hands around her eyes. "Talking about me?" he asked slyly. She pulled his hands off her eyes and smiled up at him.

"Maybe," she said, innocently.

He grinned at her and sat down. James, also, sat down on the other side of the table and averted his eyes from me. I sighed and similarly turned back to Alex and started talking with her and Sirius.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw James watching me with his big, blue eyes. I flicked my eyes in his direction and he kept the contact going a few seconds, letting me see the pain and regret in his eyes and similarly mine. _I wanted to..._I tried to tell him with my eyes. He immediately comprehended and gave me a look back.

_I wanted to too._

**Hey guys!**

**Thanks for waiting SO LONG! I know it took forever! But here's my longest chapter yet...14 whopping pages on MS Word!!! Yes! Score! Go me! The only reason it's this long is because I thought I was going to get to the dance...but I didn't. It's still a very significant chapter, though. PLEASE Read & Review because I WROTE 14 FRIGGING PAGES FOR YOU ALL AND YOUR ENJOYMENT. AND MY ENJOYMENT. But that's okay. Please! Review!!!!!!**

**Love you all,**

**Gwyn**


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